I was in the midst of completing a task when I needed my phone which was on the floor.
I stooped down, picked up my phone, stood up again, which was less than a second, to find that I had forgotten the task I was undertaking.
I could not remember the reason for picking up my phone.
I stood for a few seconds, looking at my phone, trying to recall but only noticing the absence of light, sounds and movements in my brain.
It was as if that moment did not exist.
I thought that maybe if I stooped down again, the thought might just pop back into my brain, but it didn’t.
I was left with the memories of stooping down twice.
I pondered and had to smile with my brain.
I had a good chat with my brain.
It was perplexing how it so quickly erased and easily forgot in a moment something I needed to hang onto which is so unlike what happens at 2 am in the morning.
When I need to get some sleep, it clings to that memory or that thought.
In that moment I had to smile and let my brain go.
Letting myself go is so different to letting myself off the hook which is succumbing to the thought that this is who I am, and I can’t change.
Letting myself go is a form of self-compassion where I acknowledge my humanness and take responsibility for what I can change.
This reminds me of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the SERENTITY to accept the things I cannot change,
COURAGE to change the things I can change and WISDOM to know the difference.
I treat myself with warmth, kindness, patience and understanding.
This doesn’t always come automatically.
The default position of self-criticism and harsh judgement can so easily be triggered.
I have read a number of quotes on self-compassion but I am drawn to this one by Debra Reble,
‘Self-compassion is nurturing yourself with all the kindness and love you would shower on someone you cherish.’
I wonder how you are loving and cherishing yourself.